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Dr. Gerald E. Wood, Ed.D. President
(Published in The Crescent-News, December 23, 2007)
As the academic semester draws to a close, that dreaded ritual of college life must be endured. It is referred to as the Final Exam. In my 24 years in higher education I have decided to label this one-week period the “Graying of America.” A phrase often used to refer to aging Baby Boomers, but in this case I refer to the pallor, the sunken eyes, the ashen gray faces of zombie-like college students staying up late, even mind you, getting up early to study, stressing over grades, and counting down four, three more to go!
The holiday break is more than a time with family and friends – it is the ecstasy of liberation from the angst of recalling what has hopefully been learned for a full semester. Once the last exam is completed, the ashen faces instantly become positively rosy as blood leaves the brain and circulates throughout the body. The grimace is replaced with a smile, and the conversation begins with “It is over, the deed is done.” The light shines out of the darkness and alas, comes the holiday break.
The holidays come in a special way to the intellectual warriors of the academy. For most it is a sense of accomplishment, and for some, they will sweat worry beads until they know if they have passed or if they have achieved that A+. For others, it is the mini trial-run for the day they endure the ritual for the top recognition of the academy, the Ph.D. Final Exam Week, a rite of passage into the world of work and advanced study. I remember it well, and I still get that lump in my throat.
In the spirit of the season, let’s lighten up for a moment and laugh together at some of the gaffs recorded by faculty as they have evaluated some of their students’ more lame attempts. A faculty friend, an Eastern European historian, collects the best goofs and places them on his syllabus for the next year’s class under the label, “answers that won’t work.” I found a few good ones on the British Council of Education website, like the revision of 16th century European history.
“It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.”
The Ancient Greek Olympic games are immortalized in this pithy observation, “In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.” This student seems suited best for culinary school.
A favorite of mine: “One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.”
All of us who have traversed through the ritual of Final Exams can laugh with those who trip over their words or change a letter or two because we have been there.
Ah, and in the warmth of a fire’s glow, or the laughter of family recalling funny stories, academic warriors can heal and mistakes forgiven until grades arrive. After all, it is the session for being married and blight.
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